


drowning in grief

by narcissacronin



Category: Renegades - Marissa Meyer
Genre: F/M, hurt/comfort but heavily on the hurt part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:49:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22262875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narcissacronin/pseuds/narcissacronin
Summary: nova is overcome with grief until adrian comes over and helps her through her feelings
Relationships: Nova Artino | Nightmare/Adrian Everhart | Sketch
Kudos: 25





	drowning in grief

Nova stared at her hands, which were gripping the countertop so tightly her knuckles had started to pale. With a deep inhale, she returned her gaze to the mirror and stared at her reflection, though the face staring back at her was one she barely recognized as her own.

Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, and her hair a tangled mess. For someone who didn’t need sleep, she looked exhausted.

She took a step backward, stopping when her back hit the wall opposite the mirror. She sunk to the floor and pulled her knees to her chest, burying her face in her hands.

There was a dull ache in her chest, though she had already started to grow used to it. Her mind felt numb and all she could think about was the last night she spent at her family’s apartment; the night when everything she had known was taken from her.

Today was the anniversary of the murders, marking eleven years since she had lost her parents and Evie. Eleven years since Ace took her in. Eleven years since the lies had begun.

Ever since Nova had learned that Ace was responsible for the death of her family, it had weighed heavily on her. There was always some distant feeling of guilt, that she had betrayed her the memory of her parents by following Ace. And so  _ blindly _ at that.

But today...that feeling was worse than ever.

Normally, this day went by and life went on; sometimes she would shut herself away for a little while and sulk, though it was never quite this bad. Never before had she been so drowned by her own grief.

It was already past noon and so far she had done nothing but mope around her apartment and  _ try _ to focus on something else—anything else—but her mind always came back to the memories of that one night.

Nova shut her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, flinching as the almost instantaneous sound of bullets ricocheted in her head.

Suddenly, she was six years old again, covered in blood, helpless, and suddenly all alone with no one left in the world to care for her. Anxiety crept over her, and she was trapped in her own mind: Left with nowhere to escape to.

She let out a blood-curdling scream and covered her ears with her hands. Every inch of her body shook.

The world around her was a mixture of reality and nightmare, and she couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what was part of her memories. Her vision started to blur as tears filled her eyes.

Distantly, she heard the door of her apartment open and hurried footsteps approaching the bathroom. She ignored it, though, assuming that it was just in her head.

“Nova?” a voice called out, distressed, and the footsteps started to grow closer.

Nova remained perfectly silent and still, keeping her gaze trained on the floor.

She startled as someone stepped in front of her and crouched down, setting a hand on her shoulder. Snapping her gaze up to them, she realized that it was only Adrian, which did little to calm her nerves. His eyes were wide with worry.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, voice calming.

She blinked slowly, finally whispering, “Adrian, do you remember what today is?” No longer able to look him in the eyes, her gaze fell to his chest.

“Isn’t it the—” He paused. Then, “ _ Oh _ .”

Nova nodded slowly and a tear slipped down her cheek.

“Here, let’s go in the other room,” said Adrian, standing up. He held his hand out to her and helped her up. They moved into the main area of her studio apartment, taking a seat next to each other on the couch. He reached for one of her hands and laced his fingers through hers, setting his other hand on her knee.

“You should have called me,” he said, softly, thumb tracing circles on the top of her hand. “I would’ve come over sooner.”

Her gaze fell to their hands and she mumbled, “I didn’t want to bother you.”

He reached up and gently lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. “You’re never a bother, my star. Remember what we talked about after the Supernova? I’ll always be here for you.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and pressed a kiss to her temple. “By the way, I’m sorry for coming in without asking. I just heard you scream and thought the worst, especially since you hadn’t answered my messages earlier—which is why I came over in the first place.”

“Don’t worry about it. And I’m sorry for not responding, I’ve had my phone turned off all day and haven’t checked it since late last night.” She leaned against him. “Thank you for coming over, I’m not sure what would’ve happened if you hadn’t.”

“Speaking of, do you want to talk about it?”

Nova shook her head. “Not really. I’ve just been thinking about my family a lot today, and about Ace, too.” She sniffled, then lifted her face away from his arm. “Which reminds me, I’ve finally scheduled an appointment with a therapist, though they weren’t able to fit me in until next week.”

The hint of a smile tugged at his lips. “That’s great, let me know how it goes?”

“Planned on it. I’m glad you finally convinced me to go, I think it’s going to be another step in the right direction.” She hesitated before gingerly adding, “Adrian, how are you feeling? I know you lost your mom on the same day.”

“I’m fine, I just can’t believe it’s been  _ eleven years _ , sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday.”

She nodded, understanding entirely how he felt, though she wasn’t quite sure how to express that. 

Eventually, he asked, “Is there anything I can do for you while I’m here?”

And to that, she asked, “Can you just hold me for a little while?”

A small smile spread on his lips. They curled up together on the small couch, an entanglement of limbs.

For the longest while, they sat there together in silence and held onto each other, Adrian being the only thing keeping her grounded. An hour or mere minutes could’ve passed by the time they eventually pulled apart.

At some point, he managed to convince her to leave her apartment and go out for a late lunch together. Within an hour, Nova was already feeling much better, and even laughing with Adrian.

As they stepped outside, hand-in-hand, he said, “Remember the memorial that was unveiled last month—the one for the victims of the Age of Anarchy? Did you ever go visit it? I remember you were talking about it at one point.”

Nova’s steps started to slow. “No, I haven’t seen it yet. I...I guess I’ve just been kind of scared.”

“Do you want to go now? I think it could help with, well...everything.”

She took a deep breath. “I think you might be right.”

Her grip on his hand tightened as they neared City Park, which was where the memorial was located.

As they drew closer, a strange feeling settled over Nova. In the eleven years since their passing, this was the closest Nova had ever gotten to seeing her parents and Evie memorialized in some way. Even after all these years, she still didn’t know where their graves were—or if they had even been buried at all, for that matter. Besides, even if she did, she wasn’t sure that she’d be able to handle seeing their epitaphs.

The memorial was a long wall, with thousands of names belonging to the innocent civilians who had lost their lives during the Age of Anarchy inscribed upon it, organized in alphabetical order by last name. There was even a part of it dedicated to all those whose names were unknown but victims of the Age of Anarchy nonetheless.

Nova tilted her head up and glanced at Adrian, and he offered her a reassuring smile. She released his hand and took a tentative step forward. Then another. And another. And another. With only a few more steps, she was standing in front of the wall, feeling overwhelmed at all the names she saw.

Slowly, she made her way through the A’s and eventually found her family’s names. For a few seconds, Nova just stared at the words, mind not quite processing everything that she was seeing

_ David Artino. Evie Artino. Tala Artino. _

Tears welled in her eyes as she traced over her parents and Evie’s names lightly with her finger, whispering them out loud.

Vision blurred with tears, Nova took a small step back. Turning, she found Adrian standing in the same place as before. She blinked back the rest of her tears and moved to stand next to him, sliding her arm around him.

“I think I’m ready to leave now,” she said after a few seconds, glancing at the memorial once more over her shoulder.

She allowed him to lead her away from the park. Once back at her apartment, he offered to stay a little while longer, maybe an hour, or two. Instead, he ended up staying over for the night, and the two of them stayed up far later than they should’ve—well, at least later than Adrian should’ve—talking and goofing off with each other. At one point, they even ended up making cookies, though it ended disastrously and the final result could hardly be considered edible. It was around two in the morning when Adrian finally fell asleep on Nova’s bed, with her curled up in his arms, sleeping peacefully.


End file.
